for this, i was not prepared for what i saw, especially when you love someone. and with that being said, all my energies went into taking care of my son, to make sure that, number one, he survived. number two, his goal was to walk again. that was my goal. and i told him very early on, i'm not going to be your mother. i am your nurse. and you're not going to like me at the end of it. and at the end of it, when he was being released from rehab, he said, mom, you told me something a long time ago. i did not like you. but to be very honest with you, when kevin was learning how to -- and i'm making this very, very simple. when kevin was learning how to speak again, he did ask me, how could this happen? i didn't have the answer. and that's when i became a little bit more involved, trying to find out, why was this kind of gun violence? why was he able to get a gun? why did he have so many bullets.